A Few Notes about Vietnam #45

The Case of the Missing Gas Mask

Right off the bat, you need to realize that there was a principle involved. I would not have threatened my getting out of the Army on time for anything less than taking a principled (if somewhat trivial) stand about something. It all started on about December 12, 1969:

I was out-processing (wonderfully awful hyphenated word) and the supply sergeant (an overweight lifer who had, for some reason I cannot fully understand, never really liked me, grinned and said, “Your gas mask is missing.” Now, the sergeant did not say “gas mask,” but used military nomenclature that I cannot recall, something like “protective face gear, AR-M-40pcuwhatever.” I said I had not seen it, that we didn’t keep the gas masks but that they were stored in his supply room at all times.

While these were not his exact words (they would have been much more colorful and I wish I could recall them), he said something like, “Specialist Shit-for-Brains, you owe your fucking Uncle Sam $27.95 for losing your protective face gear.” I informed the sergeant that I had no intention of paying for a piece of equipment that had never been in my possession. He glared at me and I left.

That same afternoon, I got permission from the boy captain to visit the Judge Advocates Court and consult with a military attorney. One of the truly great things about military attorneys at the lower ranks is that most of them dislike the military viscerally. They shouldn’t since most of them had their law school expenses paid for by the military but they still resent having to put in some years of service to repay their tuition and expenses. Some are there because they couldn’t pass state bar exams and the Army is the only place they can practice law, but that’s another story and is not mine to tell.

I lucked into finding an Army attorney who wanted to use me to get back at the Army. Mind you, now, I had nothing against the Army (he said with a straight face), just did not want to pay for something I had never seen. My attorney advised me to ask for a “report of survey” of the company. A “report of survey” [RoS] is a process that requires the company to search diligently to try to find missing equipment. That took two days and my ETS of December 19th was getting closer. The RoS did not turn up the missing gas mask. The supply sergeant said, Pay, asshole.” I said no.

I went back to my attorney. He laughed and said, ”Now request a RoS for the battalion.” I did. Nothing. The whole regiment! Nothing. My attorney told me that, eventually, we would have the entire 1st Army, headquartered at Fort Meade, searching for one $27.95 gas mask. A day before my ETS, the boy captain, evidently pressured by superior offices (and who was not?) informed me that an anonymous person had paid for the missing mask and that I was free to leave the Army the next day. I almost regretted having to tell my attorney that that had happened. He had calculated the man hours we had cost the Army and they were enormous. Much more than $27.95.

The next morning, I packed up my VW convertible and drove home to Texas.

Het roi! No more about the army. One more post about peace marches.